firstname lastname and the figment of author's imagination

featuring:

1. mysteriously absent parents,
2. teachers with anger management issues,
3. an ancient prophecy concerning the 11 y.o. in question,
4. the marketable golden trio,
5. irresponsible grown-ups,
6. villains that care about the protagonist's character growth more than his actual mentors, and
7. child actors who aren't old enough to be hot yet in the feature-length adaptation.